It Took A Global Pandemic To Change My Life

And just like that, I’ve said goodbye to a season of life I never knew I needed so badly. I feel incredibly selfish (and privileged) to say that quarantine was one of the best things to ever happen to me. If you had told me in March that my five months at home would be life-changing I would have laughed.

However, it turns out the change was just what I needed at this stage of life. Days before being sent home from college I felt on the verge of burnout. I was running around constantly trying to please everyone—meeting deadlines left and right, struggling to find help for blog photos, saying yes too often, and spreading myself incredibly thin. It was exhausting but I was riding a high that I was so afraid to end. After all, I had just gotten back from my first-ever New York Fashion Week, I had been nominated for College Influencer of The Year, my grades were good, and I was as social as ever. I was doing it all. 

And truth be told, while yes it feels good to “have it all together” in the moment, it is simply unrealistic to expect that to a) be the case all the time and b) last longer than a week, lol. Because let’s be real, life just doesn’t work that way. And so days after crying about needing a trip home because I missed the comfort of my own bed and needed a few days to rest, we were sent home for the semester.

I was devastated to leave my friends and the freedom of living on my own but in another way, I was relieved. Relieved to go back to my mom’s cooking and the laundry being done for me and the spacious shower and the consistency of Madison to help take my photos. It seems crazy to think it’s been five months since the governor placed us in lockdown, declaring we were only to leave the house for essential occasions and yet it feels like I blinked and the time passed.

I realize how fortunate I am to, in the middle of a global fricking pandemic, have a roof over my head, two working parents, food on the table, the ability to learn from home, and a job that doesn’t require leaving my house. While yes, it really does stink to have your freshman year of college cut short, I realize there are much worse shoes to be in. Which is why I am selfishly appreciative that this is all happening at this specific stage of life. I’m not young enough where my mom has to decide between risking my life to send me to kindergarten and quitting her job to be my “teacher” nor am I old enough to be getting laid off by my brand new boss. I am safe. I am comfortable. And I am so gosh darn grateful.

I’m sure that seems incredibly selfish to some, but I didn’t choose to be 19 when a global pandemic hit and the world seemed on the brink of god only knows what else. It just happened. And so I chose to turn my lemons into lemonade.

This season of life taught me to slow down. It made me appreciate the little things: family dinners, fresh sheets on my own bed, time with my people, the way the sun rises in the morning. But it also taught me to speed up. Life is too short not to chase your dreams right now. It taught me to push harder, dig deeper, work smarter. It taught me that there is no time like the present so take your days and run with them. Pack them full, check off every single thing, finish the damn thing. But it also taught me to take breaks. Listen to your body, sit in bed all day, watch Netflix for twelve hours straight if you need to.

It taught me to stop wishing for something and to start working for it—not to work harder but to work smarter. To utilize my resources, ask for help, step out of my comfort zone. It taught me to get uncomfortable because that is where real growth happens both in your personal life and in business.

It taught me that that grass is not always greener, it’s green where you water it.

It taught me that I could do this full time. And I did. Pre-pandemic days (and four years prior) I was doing Styled by McKenz part-time. I tend to refer to Styled By as the “blog” but really it is so much more than that. While yes it is my blog, it’s also my YouTube, and Instagram, and Tik Tok, and Pinterest and everything else in between. Over the years my workload has increased drastically as I’ve landed more brand deals and set higher standards for myself, leaving me working on average 30 hours a week. But come April when my semester came to an end and I had all the time in the world to devote to my business, I did. And man did I run with it.

And so I went full time. Full time blogging used to seem so farfetched to me and yet here I am, trying to transition back to part-time now that I’m a college student again and struggling so hard to do so. Because I don’t want to. Becuase I’m scared to lose my momentum. Scared to let my followers down even though I know they will understand. Sacred that there might never be a time like this one again.

I experienced more growth in quarantine than I did in my first four years of Styled by McKenz combined. And to think in March I thought I was riding a high. I had no idea what I was in for and it goes to show that even in the darkest of times, God’s plan shines brighter.

It turns out I didn’t need a few days of rest, I needed five months to completely change my mindset. To understand that in life you must learn to balance life and work. You must learn that your days are numbered, so take them by the reins. You must learn that it is never too late to chase your dreams. What a scary thought it is to go your whole life without ever really doing so.

And to be honest, I am terrified to close this chapter. A chapter that I loved and hated all at once. A chapter that made me cry both tears of frustration and pride. A chapter that left me on such a cliff hanger I am frantic to turn the page and yet makes me want to go back and reread the pages all over again.

But the book must go on.

With a whole lot of love, McKenz